Love is about allowing. Control is about changing. In terms of relationships, such as relationship with body, relationship with self, relationship with others, love is acceptance. It is inviting and welcoming change if that is appropriate. It is taking action with the intention of more love.
Control is resisting the current circumstance and imposing change upon it. It is often fueled by anxiety or fear. It is thinking that something needs to be different so that...fill in the blank: so that I will be happy, so that I will be lovable, so that things will get done, etc. and so on. With love, the only "so that" is more love.
How do you make this real for you? Find it in your body. And practice noticing. When you are in control mode, your body may feel tense, rigid, or uncomfortable in some other way. When you are in love mode, your body may feel soft, spacious or comfortable in some other way. When control has its grip on you, pause. Take a breath. Drop your attention down into your pelvis, let your skin soften around you, relax your concentration muscles that move your eyebrows around. Place your hand on your heart. This simple action can release oxytocin, the "love hormone" or "cuddle hormone". It is released when we feel safe, when we are in a place of trust and allowing. Take another breath. Perhaps your next action can be fueled by love.
Throughout the day, practice noticing when you are operating from a place of control, when your body feels the tension of imposed or forceful change. Pause. Breathe. Hand on heart. You may have to do this many times throughout the day as you get better and better at noticing your control vs. love tendencies.
Want to cultivate even more love? Join Erin for More Love: A mini self-care retreat on March 12th.
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